


What's meant to be

by Ravenchi



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Good Severus Snape, Marauders, Marauders' Era, Original Character(s), Young Severus Snape
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-25
Updated: 2016-01-03
Packaged: 2018-04-23 09:22:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4871473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ravenchi/pseuds/Ravenchi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There was one shy girl who changed the world more than anyone will ever know. She left everything behind to travel back in time and to make sure that justice will prevail. At the same time she found love where she never thought she would find it. Story from my fanfiction.net account.</p>
            </blockquote>





	0. Prologue - A trip back in time

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own Harry Potter, which is the property of J.K. Rowling and I don't make profit out of it.
> 
> I'm proof reading the first chapters again and I hope my comeback will be a success. I would be happy about any kind of feedback. It gives me motivation when I notice that some like reading my stories.
> 
> Enjoy!

"Time is the longest distance between two places." - Tennessee Williams, The Glass Menagerie

* * *

" _My name is Hilary." She whispered slowly. "Hilary Tolipan."_

"Well Tolipan, I don't know where you came from but isn't it common courtesy to apologize when falling on someone?" Snape asked cynically while raising an eyebrow.

"Oh!" She gave out a sound of surprise. She had been so baffled at her arrival that she had completely forgotten to apologize. "My deepest apologies Professor Snape…" As soon as she had apologized, she immediately clasped her hands over her mouth but it was already too late. She wasn't even a few minutes in the past and was already going to blow up her cover. Great!

Snape, however, didn't seem fazed by her mistake but rather a bit annoyed. "I'm not a Professor, Tolipan. I'm only a Seventh Year Student. You must be new if you can’t even tell apart your seniors from your teachers." He snarled haughtily nearly making her doubt about her resolution of helping him to a brighter future.

“I’m sorry…I didn’t even take notice of your obvious house affiliation…” She muttered glancing at his green and silver stripped tie and neckline as well as his proudly displayed serpentine emblem. At least, he didn't notice that she knew his name without him introducing himself.

"And how do you know my name, Tolipan? I don't remember having told you." Suspicion rose in his dark eyes. _'Well, rejoiced too soon.'_ Hilary sighed inwardly. She was sure he was ready to hex her if she didn't come up with a good excuse.

"A-actually, Headmaster Dumbledore told me about you. H-he said something about missing a Potion Professor and…how he hoped a certain Snape would become his next Potion Master.” She stuttered. “The Headmaster is really good at describing! I recognized you right away! … He didn't mention that you were still a student though. You really must be skilled if he has so high esteem in you at such a young age." She tried to convey the story as enthusiastically as possible but her acting skills could only be considered mediocre given that in the end she laughed nervously and couldn’t even look him in the eyes anymore.

Well, at least, it was true that she recognized him right away. He wasn't as tall as his future self and his hair was a bit longer and less greasy. His features weren't as scornful but his eyes seemed to hide a great deal of sorrow. It's especially through his coal black orbs and thoughtful gaze that Hilary recognized him right away.

Snape was silent and didn’t immediately comment on her excuse. He was observing her silently for any sign that would betray her lie. _'Snape was already a suspicious old man at the age of seventeen.'_ Hilary mused though she was quite nervous and afraid, afraid that her excuse sounded like a recited lie.

Finally, Snape sighed. "Like I would ever work for that old geezer." He had bought her story and had mistaken her nervousness for shyness.

Hilary laughed inwardly about his statement knowing that in the future he would work for that 'old geezer' as he called him. He would even be one of his most trusted friends...at least until before his betrayal.

Sadness filled her heart when she thought about Dumbledore's death the year before. She still couldn't believe that Snape had been the one to kill him but she knew Harry would never lie to her. Therefore, the truth hurt even more.

While she was lost in her thoughts, Snape was observing her. He was quite irritated by her but couldn’t tell why. Why did he have to be bothered by that shy airhead? He had better things to do…like training at the Quidditch field to beat Potter at the next match.

“What do you want Tolipan? I don’t have all day to listen to your idle chatter.” Snape snapped at her and pulled her out of her reverie. “We, Seventh Years, don’t have the same free time as you, First years.” He muttered and Hilary twitched.

She wasn’t pleased at all. Twice! He had hit on that sore point twice in less than ten minutes. People often though she was a Forth Year because of her height and petite nature but never did someone call her a First Year. Never! But he dared to do it TWICE. The first time, he implied it when he assumed she was new at Hogwarts and now he even said it out loud. She was, most of the time, a calm person and didn’t like to create conflict but her height was a sore subject and evaluating her age based on her height even more.

"I'm a Sixth Year transfer student, Snape." Hilary answered with a strained smile. Our future Potion Master looked quite stunned at that moment. He hadn't mean to insult her in that way but he had really thought she was a First Year.

After all, she didn't seem any taller than 5 feet, the typical First Year height. Her petite figure was even more highlighted by her long, curly, black hair. Her round face and her big green eyes made her look even younger.

"S…sorry…" He whispered barely audible under shock but composed himself shortly after. He didn't utter one more word because Snape wasn't really one to apologize. Hilary wasn't pleased but she didn't have time to grumble about this ridiculous assumption. Seeing his shocked face was more than enough amusement to forgive him for his blunder.

"Well, I’m actually looking for the Headmaster’s office. The Portkey should have brought me there but alas it didn’t. Must have had a defect…could you show me the way to the Headmaster’s office, please?” She asked sweetly but also guilt tripping him in a way because she was certain that he wouldn’t refuse her after his earlier comment. 

He looked at her skeptically but never answered her question and only turned around to go his way. She was stunned about his silent refusal and a bit lost about what to do. Well, she could find her way once she found out were exactly she was but was a bit hurt by Snape’s rejection.

Looking around to find the way herself, she finally became aware of her surroundings. She was on the seventh floor in the left corridor of the Hogwarts castle where one could find the room of requirement. It brought back many memories in her, happy ones and sad ones. She remembered the meetings of Dumbledore's Army that she attended with her best friend, Alice, but it also reminded her of the war that was going on in her time and all of her friends who she had left behind.

Wandering around aimlessly in remembrance of the room of requirements, she was again pulled out of her reverie by Snape who had called her without turning around. "Are you coming or not?" A bright smile appeared on the girl's face as she skipped down the hallway after Snape. He hadn’t abandoned her after all.

 

* * *

 

Arriving at the gargoyle statue, Snape halted and muttered something lowly. "…frogs" was the only word Hilary could make out. Knowing Dumbledore, it was probably something like Chocolate frogs and Severus didn't want to say that out loud. She recalled when the future Professor Snape had brought her to the headmaster's office once. Everyone said he would always complain about the Headmaster's ridiculous and childish passwords.

As the stairway opened up to them, they both made their way up to Dumbledore's office and Snape knocked on his door. "Headmaster, Sir. I brought Hilary Tolipan to see you. She says she has an appointment with you." And after a hearty enter, both entered the office.

"My, my, Severus, never thought I would see you play the gallant man and escort a lady to my office." Greeted us the still old but rather younger looking Dumbledore with a hearty laughter. "Oh, yes, Miss Tolipan. I'm sorry about what happened with the Portkey, I hope you did arrive safely." He remarked with a twinkle in his eye. That was enough to tell the girl that he caught on her little act and was only playing around until Snape left…but how did he know about her Portkey excuse?

"Oh, yes, I had a very soft landing, Sir. Your student here was a gallant knight and came to my rescue." She said giggling slightly. Dumbledore was laughing again and Snape only rolled his eyes. "Well, if you don't need me anymore, I'm leaving." Snape announced rather grumpy. "Oh, yes, thank you very much Severus." Dumbledore dismissed him.

 

* * *

 

"So Miss Tolipan. What can I do for you? I don't think you are a transfer student given that I wasn't notified about you. Also, I felt some quite strong time magic flow a few minutes ago." He said leaving no room for any lies or excuses. Not that anyone could have lied to Dumbledore anyway. That man seemed to know everything.

"As you guessed, I'm not a transfer student, Sir. Actually, I came from more than 20 years in the future. I came from the year 1998 because of a quest you gave me." Hilary blurted out straightforward.

"I see…" A twinkle appeared in his eye again. Hilary nearly feared that he wouldn't believe her. Dumbledore from the future didn't give her anything to prove herself. He said it would be impossible to bring something from the future to the past anyway…though she wondered how she could travel to the past then…but he assured her that his former self would believe her.

" I'm really sorry. I can't tell you more, Sir, but I beg you to believe me." She bowed and looked at the floor that seemed ten times more interesting than her Headmaster's face at the moment.

"I don't see why I shouldn't believe you, Miss Tolipan." He concluded with a warm smile. Hilary sighed in relief. "After all, you have her eyes and his strong will." He said and chuckled when he noticed Hilary's priceless face. "How…how did you know?" She stuttered baffled. "Oh, it wasn't that hard to find out. I had a feeling." He stated.

 _'That man really knows everything.'_ Hilary cursed under her breath.

"Well…I believe you used an alias to dupe our dear Severus. Are you going to keep on using it?" He asked amused. "Oh, yes, of course. I couldn't risk that anyone recognizes me once I'm born in this time…However, I hope it won’t cause any trouble or suspicion given that I used the surname of a fellow witch friend…” She pondered.

“Don’t worry about that, my dear.” Dumbledore dismissed her pondering with a wave of his hand. “Tolipan isn’t a common surname here but it’s quite in the States. We could pose you as an American transfer student from the Ilvermorny School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.”

“I know about Ilvermorny. Dad told me about it.…” She became thoughtful again as she reminisced about the time when her father helped her think up a cover story should she ever travel back in time with Headmaster Dumbledore’s concoction.

Dumbledore had approached her in her dazed state and patted her shoulder slowly to avoid scaring her. "I'm sorry to tell you that you probably won't be able to return to your time, Miss Tolipan." He didn't want to be harsh with her but he had to tell her the truth. "Our time isn't really advanced in time logic or magic." He confessed. However, he was positively surprised that she didn't seem depressed about the news but only a little wistful.

"I know, Headmaster, Sir. You warned me in my time about it. I came fully aware of that fact." Hilary stated carefully weighting her own words. The headmaster laughed softly to lighten up the mood.

"I see you could be a proud and courageous Gryffindor like you parents." He chuckled. “Or maybe even a thoughtful Ravenclaw given your wit and careful nature though you are neither.” He mused.

Hilary's eyes became wide at the correct assumption. She really couldn’t hide anything from that man. “You are right, Sir. I’m actually a Hufflepuff.” She confirmed his theory.

Dumbledore didn't seem the least surprised but pleased at the confirmation. "I already called the Head Boy and Head Girl to fetch you, Miss Tolipan. I could also have called the Hufflepuff perfects but I think you will get along better with those two.” He explained with a knowing smile.

“Come in." He called at the same time as someone knocked on the door.

The moment the door was opened to give a full view of the ones who had knocked on it, Hilary's eyes widened. Dumbledore really knew everything.


	1. Hilary Tolipan

"There will be time, there will be time, to prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet." - T.S. Eliot

 

* * *

_The moment the door was opened to give a full view of the ones who had knocked on it, Hilary's eyes widened. Dumbledore really knew everything._

 

Two students, a boy and a girl, entered the office when Dumbledore called them in. The boy had black, tousled, unruly hair and deep brown eyes hidden behind glasses. Harry was always told that he resembles him greatly. His name was James Potter. He was the Head Boy of the Year 1977-1978 and Harry's father. Next to him was a beautiful girl with long auburn hair and dazzling emerald-green eyes. Harry was always told that he had her eyes. Her name was Lily Potter née Evans. She was the Head Girl of the Year 1977-1978, James Potter's future wife and Harry's mother.

Hilary wasn't prepared for that meeting. She knew she was going to meet them, but she hadn't thought it would be that soon. Even though, she had done nearly everything to prepare herself mentally for this meeting, she still wasn't ready to face them.

"Miss Tolipan, may I introduce you to our Head Boy and Head Girl, Mister James Potter and Miss Lily Evans. Miss Evans, Mister Potter, this is Miss Hilary Tolipan. She is a Sixth Year transfer student from the Ilvermorny School of Witchcraft and Wizardry in the States." Dumbledore introduced them to each other.

"Nice to meet you, Tolipan. I'm sure we will get along." Lily smiled friendly and extended her hand to shake hands with Hilary. James, on the other hand, seemed a bit annoyed. He was still carrying his broom and Hilary assumed he had been playing Quidditch with some friends before he was called.

"Headmaster, why was I called? Lily could have handled this alone." James complained and had to avoid a flying elbow from Lily. She glared at him quite fiercely for talking back to the Headmaster.

"Well, Mister Potter, I thought you could bring Miss Tolipan some support. She's not used to this new environment. I want her to feel at home as soon as possible and what better way to feel at home than making friends." Dumbledore explained his theory with a twinkle in his eye.

Hilary knew however that this was solely for his amusement and to see her priceless face. She had been gaping at them for a while now. After all, she wasn't only facing Harry's parents. No, she was also facing, for the first time in her whole life, her own parents.

Yes, Hilary Tolipan was actually a Potter. She hadn't known that until her second Year at Hogwarts because she had grown up with her godfather who she believed was her real father until she was confronted with her origins in the form of a black dog.

She was, indeed, a Potter and meeting her parents who she didn’t know much about was quite a shock. Unlike Harry, she hadn’t had the privilege of meeting her parents through the Mirror of Erised and her godfather didn’t have any pictures of them after wrecking his house during one of his transformations. She had only seen her parents in the photo album Harry had gotten from Hagrid but she was also envious of her brother who had a baby picture of himself with them. Hilary had been entrusted to her godfather’s care shortly after her birth because of the danger that still loomed after the prophecy. Therefore, she didn’t have a family picture with her parents. No one had thought about it at that time. No one believed that Lily and James Potter wouldn't live to ever see their daughter again.

The resemblance she and her brother shared with their father was unmistakable as were the green eyes they shared with their mother. She was only happy that she didn't share her father's and her brother's bad eye sight. She didn't like glasses.

"Is everything alright?' asked Lily as she placed a hand on her shoulder. Hilary had not been responding to them for a while and each of them had a worried look on their faces, even Dumbledore.

"No...eh...yes, it's nothing." Hilary answered while stuttering. Great! That way no one would believe her that she was all right. She was all right. She was only stunned. However, after a few moments of worried looks, they only sighed dismissing it as a nervous first day.

"How about we show you around Hogwarts, Tolipan? Hogwarts is a beautiful place. I'm sure you will grow to like it." Lily suggested with a gentle and comforting smile. She was the way Hilary always imagined her from her godfather’s tales, a sweet and caring woman.

"That would be great." Hilary answered with the same smile. Lily's smile was contagious.

"That's a wonderful idea!" The Headmaster agreed happily.

The three of them bid their farewells to the Headmaster and headed down.

 

* * * 

 

At the courtyard, James was immediately tackled to the ground.

"Padfoot! What the hell! I don't want to get hurt before the official Quidditch matches!" James threw a tantrum as he tried to get his 'friend' off of him.

"That's for leaving us on the Quidditch field alone, you fool! Why did you have to go?" countered his friend Padfoot as he stood up and dusted off his robes. "You know very well that Moony isn't a good player." He added pointing at a guy who was approaching them at a steady pace.

Looking the boy up and down, Hilary was quite surprised about her brother's godfather's look. He did look a lot younger. She nearly hadn't recognized him if it hadn't been for his crazy, curly, shoulder-length, dark brown hair. He was a bit taller than James and got the same mischievous look as him but he didn't bear the future Sirius' hunted gaze.

"I'm sorry Padfoot but Dumbledore called me. You know as a Head Boy I have some responsibilities." James tried to explain with a proud smirk about his position.

"You could have dumped the work on Lily." Padfoot answered shortly and was greeted by Lily's glare. That's when he noticed Hilary standing next to Lily.

"Hello, there Miss!" Sirius wolf-whistled. "My name is Sirius Black. It's a pleasure to meet you." He introduced himself and kissed her hand to charm her. Hilary felt weirded out but did her best not to step back out of politeness. He really was a playboy like everyone had told her in the future.

"It's nice to meet you, Black. My name is Hilary Tolipan. I'm sorry that I took up your precious friend's time. Dumbledore thought it was necessary that I have two escorts for the day." Hilary answered as kindly as she could. She didn't really like his attitude but she knew deep down he was a good man. After all, that man would be her brother's godfather and was actually wrongly accused as a traitor later on.

That reminded her of what would happen in a few years’ time. She knew that in a few years, Voldemort would kill Lily and James Potter while Sirius Black would be wrongly accused of betraying them. It filled her with sadness knowing she couldn't do anything. Dumbledore had warned her that everything she did in the past would have an impact on the future and unthoughtful actions could have dreadful consequences even for the lives of those dearest to her. Changing the past too much could even cause a loop in time and the collapse of time and space. None of it was truly proven but the simple thought of it was gruesome.

"Tolipan?" Lily called her when Hilary, once again, didn't respond. Concern filled her eyes. Pulled out of her thoughts, Hilary finally responded. "I'm sorry. It's nothing." She shrugged it off. Lily didn't seem convinced but she didn't want to push it.

"Well, Ladies, would you mind if I get my friend back, like…now? We still have to finish a Quidditch game." Sirius butted in. He hadn't even noticed that Hilary seemed a bit off.

"Men and Quidditch." Lily muttered with a smile. Anyone could see that even though she was a bit annoyed by James' Quidditch addiction, she loved him dearly.

"Oh, Remus. Will you come with us instead of James? I'm going to show Tolipan around." Lily invited Remus who had long since arrived but didn't say a word. His eyes were also a bit filled with worry. Unlike Sirius, Remus had noticed that Hilary had been lost in thoughts, unhappy thoughts.

"I would love to." He responded quite timidly. "It's nice to meet you, Tolipan. My name is Remus Lupin." He introduced himself and extended his hand to shake hands, which Hilary did with pleasure. "It's nice to meet you too, Remus." She smiled at him. "And please call me Hilary. That also counts for the others. I'm not really used to be called by my last name if it isn't by a professor."

Well, it wasn't really the truth, but she really didn't want her future parents or their friends to call her by her fake last name, even though they don't know that fact. It simply sounded wrong. Also, it sounded even weirder when Remus called her by that name. After all, Remus was her dear godfather and father figure who had raised her since she was an infant. She would have liked to tell him he could call her by her real name but she couldn't jeopardize her real identity.

"With pleasure, Hilary, but you also have to call us by our first names, then." Lily put her hands on Hilary's shoulders and smiled. She was glad that the girl was out of her somber thoughts and opened up to them. "No problem here, Lily." Hilary responded with the Potter grin she had inherited from her father.

Afterwards, Lily and Remus showed her around Hogwarts. They visited the Great Hall, the Infirmary, in case something happened, the location of the different classrooms, the location of the Gryffindor Common Room, even though they couldn't let her in, and naturally the kitchen that was located near the Hufflepuff Common room.

"Well, this concludes our Tour, Hilary. There's much more to Hogwarts but most of it is still undiscovered. If you want to know more about it, I would suggest you to ask James and Sirius. They love to discover Hogwarts though it's not good to leave after curfew." Lily explained with a wink. She knew of James and Sirius escapades and it didn't really please her but she got used to it. "Got it." Hilary laughed.

"Remus and I can't go in the Hufflepuff Common Room with you. It's well hidden. No one really knows where it's located. Well, no one aside the Hufflepuffs. Here's a letter that Dumbledore entrusted to me. It should contain the location and password to your Common room as well as your room number." Lily explained and handed her the letter.

"Thank you, Lily, and thanks to you too, Remus. I really enjoyed the tour. Hogwarts is a beautiful place." Hilary exclaimed. Her joy and surprise was a bit fake given that she already knew Hogwarts but she had really enjoyed their company. She was finally able to get to know her mother and to see how she and Remus were like in their youths. "I hope we can meet up again even though we are in different houses. I would like to become friends."

"Oh but of course, Hilary. I would also like to become your friend. House rivalry is nothing. We can still be friends." Lily assured her and hugged her. "Maybe we will even become best friends." She winked at her playfully.

"If you want we can meet up after breakfast. We could walk you to your first class." Remus suggested bashfully. He seemed strangely shy around her but Hilary didn't put much thought on it.

"With pleasure." She answered with a genuine smile.

"Well, I'm sure you are tired and overwhelmed with everything right now and you still have to unpack. Your baggage should be in your room already. We will let you unpack and rest, Hilary. See you tomorrow." Lily hugged her one last time and took off with Remus.

 

* * *

 

After waving good-bye to Lily and Remus, Hilary moved to the right corridor near the kitchen. On her way, she opened the letter that Dumbledore had entrusted to Lily. As she thought, it didn't contain the Hufflepuff password. It only contained her room number. As a Hufflepuff of her time, she knew how to get access to the Common Room anyway. She found herself in front of the many barrels that hide the passage and tapped the rhythm of Helga Hufflepuff on the barrel two from the bottom, middle of the second row.

The barrel opened itself and let her enter the Hufflepuff Common room. The Common room looked like it did in the future. It looked a lot like a den, which was typical for the Hufflepuff emblem, the badger. The room was decorated in the sunny color of the Hufflepuffs while the furniture was made of ebony wood. Many students were chatting in little groups or playing some games. Given that it was still the beginning of the year and that she did look like a first year, even though she didn’t want to acknowledge it, after a few odd looks, everyone resumed their activities.

Familiar with the place, Hilary made her way to her room, which she would share with three fellow badgers. However, when she arrived, no one was there. They were probably in the Common room or outside. It was still afternoon and the weather was clear, so it wouldn't surprise her if many students would enjoy the last sunny days of September.

To her surprised, there was a trunk near her newly assigned bed. It shouldn't be hers because she didn't take a trunk with her but on the trunk was a neatly folded paper with her name on it.

_Dear Miss Tolipan,_

_I asked Minerva to pack some clothes and books for you. I presumed you came without luggage. I told her that you are the daughter of an old friend of mine and that you didn't have any belongings because your house burned down. She immediately took pity and packed you some old clothes that belonged to one of her nieces and this Years’ books. They are hand me downs but better than nothing. Minerva will hold a grudge against me once she discovers it was a lie but we can't jeopardize your identity. I hope everything is at your liking._

_Sincerely,_

_Dumbledore_

_Headmaster of Hogwarts._

Hilary was touched. Headmaster Dumbledore as well as Professor McGonagall were really thoughtful. She wasn't alone here. Even though, she alone knew her task, she had at least a few who she could count on.

 

* * *

 

After settling down in her new room, Hilary decided to take a trip to the Black lake. She had wanted some time alone since arriving but didn't have the opportunity to do so. It's not like she didn't like the time she spent with Lily and Remus but she needed some time to let everything sink in. She was now in the past, the past that didn't know the dreadful future but was facing its own difficult times. The first wizarding war was taking place outside of Hogwarts. Everyone was afraid. No one trusted anyone. Everything was possible. It could turn for the better or for the worse, but all that was very far from the concerns of the students who studied in the most protected place of the world, Hogwarts.

She felt bad about everyone's fate, especially her parents' fate. She knew they would die in three years’ time. She knew it quite well but she couldn't do anything about it or at least she didn’t really know what she could do without causing chaos. She was torn apart inside. She wanted to help them. She wanted to warn them but she didn’t know if she could. She hated herself at that moment for her powerlessness and she was crying. She was crouching near the lake and hiding her face with her knees.

"You are a real crybaby." Muttered someone next to her. Hilary looked up and behind her to the one who said that. Her eyes were bloodshot and her nose was running but she didn't care. A bit father back, leaning on a tree, was no one else than Severus Snape. He had been reading a book until she came.

"You are weak. A weakling like you won't survive in the outside world." He referred to the war that was going on outside of Hogwarts.

"Well, sorry then! I can't change who I am. What if I am a crybaby? What does it matter to you?" Hilary yelled at him. She was glad that there was no one else aside from them. She wasn't in control of her feelings at the moment.

Snape would never admit it, but when he saw Hilary crying near the lake, it reminded him of Lily. They often met near the river where they lived. Once, Lily was also crying near that river because of her idiot sister, Petunia.

"You shouldn't cry. You should transform your powerlessness in strength." He commented not really looking at her. It was like he was telling that to himself.

"That's easier done than said, Snape. Sometimes you have to cry. To know when to cry is also some sort of strength. You can't simply bottle up everything. To bottle up everything means to not accept it. If you cry, at least you accept it as it is." She retorted and blew her nose. Hilary had gone through a lot with her brother. She hadn't been through as much as her brother and his friends but the war did have an impact on her. She had grown a bit bitter with time but she had also acquired a wisdom beyond her age. She had to grow up faster than any other girl of her age would have.

"Shouldn't you rather try to change it than accept it?" He countered a bit surprised by her words.

"Yes, but you still have to accept what already happened. The only thing you can change is the future." Hilary laughed inwardly about her own comment. How could she say that when she actually came from the future?

Snape, however, was completely taken aback. That girl seemed to have gone through a lot. He didn't know what happened to her but when he finally looked in her eyes he noticed that they contained a strength he had never seen. They were still bloodshot but her gaze was straightforward and their color was the same as Lily's. Snape shook himself out of his thoughts. He couldn't believe what nonsense he was thinking. That girl was nowhere like Lily.

"Snape, never forget that if you want to change something, you have to do it yourself. You can't always wait for someone else to do it for you." She said with a small, bitter smile. "That's also true for your case with Lily."

"How do you…" He wasn't really able to finish his sentence. He was dumbstruck. The only ones who should know about it should be he, Lily and the Marauders.

"That's my secret." She said placing her index in front of her mouth. "How about we become friends, Severus?" She emphasized her proposition by calling him by his first name.

"Friends with a Hufflepuff?" He asked raising an eyebrow. She had changed in her robes earlier, which made her House loyalty more than obvious. "I don't see how that should benefit me."

"There's no benefit. You will only gain a friend which is, in my opinion, the best gift in the world." Talking with Snape had put her in a better mood. It gave her strength and reminded her why she came back to the past.

"Well, we could try, _Hilary_." He stressed her name as if it was something foreign. She knew he was trying his best. It would take some time until he would really trust her. He probably only agreed because she intrigued him but it didn't matter to her. She wanted to help this boy, or rather this man. She wanted to at least bring a little sunshine in his world before he turned completely bitter.

"Thank you, Severus." She whispered as she leaned next to him on the tree.

_'I know you will become bitter. I know you will suffer because of him...but I swear, I won't let you die.'_ She looked into Severus eyes as he was observing her and a small smile appeared on her lips. Severus only raised an eyebrow. _'Because I have always admired you.'_


	2. Tearful meetings and new friendships

"It takes strength to talk about our feelings and to reach out for help and comfort when we need it." _\- Fred Rogers_

 

* * *

_'I know you will become bitter. I know you will suffer because of him...but I swear, I won't let you die.' She looked into Severus’ eyes as he was observing her and a small smile appeared on her lips. Severus only raised an eyebrow. 'Because I have always admired you.'_

 

* * *

 

The next morning, Hilary woke up in a bad mood. She was happy to meet up with Lily and Remus after breakfast but she dreaded one special encounter.

The day before, after meeting Severus, she had gone to the Great Hall with him and they had parted ways to go to their respective tables. She had shortly seen Lily and the Marauders. While James and Sirius had glared at her, probably because she had been with Severus. Lily and Remus had seemed surprised but had still waved at her. Hilary had waved back with a smile but her smile had turned sour when she had noticed the earlier missing member of the Marauders, Peter Pettigrew, the cowardly little rat. He was the one who actually betrayed her parents and caused their deaths. The simple thought of it made her blood boil but she couldn't simply accuse him of something he still hadn't done. She wanted to hit him and send him to Azkaban right there and then but she had to endure it.

She didn't even want to go out of her bed. She didn't want to meet him. She knew she wouldn't be able to stay calm next to him and even less if she had to talk to him.

"Is something wrong, Hilary?" A tall girl who had emerged from the bathroom asked her. "You are frowning."

"It's nothing, Amelia. I only didn't have enough sleep." Hilary dismissed her question.

The tall girl's name was Amelia Susan Bones. She was one of Hilary's roommates. Hilary had met them yesterday during dinner and had had a wonderful time. She had nearly forgotten about Wormtail.

Amelia would later be known as Madame Bones, Susan Bones' aunt and Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. Hilary still remembered her well from her time when Harry had been put on trial because of underage use of magic. It was weird for Hilary to see her as a young girl her age. She was a really nice girl and Hilary pitied her because of what would happen to her family and herself later on. The Bones family would be annihilated by Voldemort in a few years’ time. The only survivors would be her and her younger brother, Leon, Susan's father and a year after Harry’s trial she would be murdered by Voldemort himself.

"Hurry up, or we are going to be late for breakfast!" Another one of Hilary's roommates rushed them. Her name was Sally Wilson. She was a bubbly muggle-born witch who could never sit still and joked around all the time. She even joked about her own bubbly personality and loved to turn her natural chestnut hair color to bubble gum pink, which actually looked good on her with her pixy hair style and mint green eyes.

"Don't rush and don't yell like this, Sally. We still have more than enough time." Hilary's third roommate, Aurora Dawson, groaned. She was still lying in her bed and didn't want to get out of bed any time soon.

All of them had been chatting a long time the night before to get to know each other. Her roommates were quite noisy and loved to ask many questions. Somehow, it made Hilary feel awkward, because she had to make up a cover story on the spot and keep it in mind for later reference.

"Come on, Aurora. We have to get up at some time." Hilary chuckled at her roommate's antics.

"Some time is not now, Hilary! Go on without me. I think I will skip breakfast." Aurora grumbled and waved dismissively.

"And what about your schedule, Aurora?" Amelia remarked sternly.

"Shit, today is the first day." Aurora swore.

"Yes, my love. You have to wake up now!" Sally giggled in high spirits.

"Don't call me your love, Sally!" Aurora yelled and threw her pillow at Sally who avoided it skillfully. "Oh! But you love it when I call you that. It always gets you out of the bed, see!" The spirited girl pointed out. It was true. Aurora was finally up after throwing the pillow and was glaring daggers at Sally.

"They seem to be really close friends." Hilary remarked as she combed her hair. "Yes, they are childhood friends. They practically grew up as siblings." Amelia commented while drying her hair.

After everyone was up and ready, the four girls went to the Great Hall to take their breakfast. The feast at Hogwarts was still the same as always. It was simply delicious. Hilary nearly felt at home though she dearly missed her friends already. She wondered how her friends and family were doing. _Were they alright? Was the war already over?_ She was starting to get anxious but she didn't have much time to dwell on it because Professor Sprout came to their table and gave out the time tables. Hilary was quite pleased. She had double class of potion on that morning. It was her favorite subject but then she remembered that she wouldn't have Severus as a professor. If her memory was accurate, Professor Slughorn had been her parents' teacher.

"Bummer, Potion as first class." Sally complained. "You don't like Potions?" Hilary asked curiously. The girl wasn't one to complain. It was rather Aurora who complained all the time. "Don't like? You mean rather hate, Hilary!" Sally explained in disgust. "I think I never got out of Potion Class without blowing up something." Everyone surrounding her laughed. "Be careful, she is not kidding." Amelia warned Hilary playfully. "But you don't have to worry. Aurora is usually her Potion partner. With blowing up she doesn't only mean the Potion but also Aurora." Amelia joked while Aurora yelled at her. "I heard that, Amelia!" "But how and why did she pass the O.W.L.?" Hilary inquired. "Well, her dream is to become an Auror and her academic skills aren't that bad but she sucks at the practical part. I helped her a bit to get at least an acceptable in her practical exam." Aurora explained while wringing Amelia's neck.

 

* * *

 

After breakfast, Hilary met up with Lily and the Marauders. She hugged Lily and Remus while she simply greeted the others. Pettigrew was still lagging behind, but as soon as she saw him, she became rigid. Sirius, however, kept her mind quite well away from Pettigrew. Although, he actually annoyed her, it was still better than looking at that rotten rat.

“Say, you were with Snivellus, yesterday.” Sirius asked reproachfully. Hilary wasn’t surprised he confronted her about it. She knew about the animosity between Snape and Sirius and her father. “It’s Severus, Sirius and yes I came with him yesterday. I think you even saw us or did you lose your eyes and brain since yesterday?” Hilary countered maliciously. She didn’t like the animosity he was showing. Even if they didn’t really like each other, couldn’t they at least be civil and ignore each other? Did they have to be so malicious? Severus hadn’t really done anything that could generate such hatred. Well, feelings were never really rational anyway.

“Watch what you say!” Sirius warned her. “You have the tongue of a Slytherin, _Tolipan_.” Sirius stressed out her name to highlight his displeasure. “I don’t have the tongue of a Slytherin, Sirius, but I don’t like it when someone badmouths my friends even if that someone is also a friend. Ever heard the saying you get treated the same way as you treat others? Would you like it if I called you Block instead of Black?” Hilary retorted. She wasn’t going down to his level neither by yelling nor by calling him by his last name. She knew that deep down he was actually a good and loyal man but the way he behaved himself as a teen was unnerving.

“Sirius, what does it matter who she’s friends with anyway. She’s only a chick.” Peter butted in only to be glared at by Sirius. Hilary, however, tensed when she heard Pettigrew’s voice. She had actually really forgotten about him while she was arguing with Sirius and now all of the negative feelings hit her at once again. All the rage boiled in her veins again and she did her best to suppress it. She couldn’t bash out on him without a reason and even less after what she preached to Sirius.

Oblivious of Hilary’s reaction and ignoring Lily’s reprimanding “Peter! I actually thought better of you than this.” Sirius started yelling at Peter about butting in. “If she wants to be friends with us Marauders, she shouldn’t be with someone like Snivellus. It’s him or us!”

“The Marauders? Is that what you call your little group?” She asked turning to Lily and trying to keep her mind off of murdering the treacherous rat. “And are you a four-years-old or what? Grow up, Sirius.” She retorted with a strained smirk.

While Sirius was fuming and gaping trying to find a retort, Lily explained who the Marauders were. “The Marauders are the prank team consisting of James, Sirius, Remus and Peter. They are well-known in Hogwarts. Ah, but you don’t know Peter yet. Don’t think bad about him because of what he said. I’m sure he actually didn’t mean that. Wait, I’m going to introduce you, so you start from anew.” Hilary dreaded what was coming up next when Lily called Pettigrew over.

“Hilary, Peter. Peter, Hilary. We met Hilary yesterday when the Headmaster asked us to make her feel at home at Hogwarts. She’s a transfer student.” Lily explained to Pettigrew. While Pettigrew was extending his small, grassy hand to shake, Hilary cringed and didn’t even look at him. She really couldn’t get along with him knowing what was going to happen. She simply hated him even though he hadn’t done anything yet. Not knowing what to do and feeling like cornered, she started hyperventilating and everyone, even Sirius, started panicking about her condition.

The one to be her knight in shining armor was no other than an angry looking Severus. However, he didn’t seem angry at her but at the others surrounding her. He had been watching them from afar, fuming about Sirius’ comments and surprised about Hilary’s remarks but when he noticed the first signs of hyperventilation, he acted immediately. “Don’t you see, she’s feeling unwell, you morons. Get her away from that stinky rat!” He snapped at them and pulled Hilary away from them to the next abandoned corner of the corridor. Worried, Lily and Remus followed them glancing back at Sirius who was held back by a worried looking James. “Leave her be Sirius. It might not be a good idea to follow her. Your arguing might also be one of the factors that made her react like this.”

“But she didn’t have to be so vehement about it! Not for Snivellus!” Sirius got angry about the whole situation. He didn’t like how she defended Snivellus but he was still worried about her though he couldn’t really say why he cared so much about her.

“She reminds me of Lily, Sirius. Lily also always believed in the goodness in Snape.” James responded thoughtfully while observing his friend’s sullen face. Sirius really felt bad about causing that though it actually wasn’t his fault but they didn’t know that yet. “Yes, but even the sweet Lily gave up during fifth year.” Sirius retorted half-heartedly. “Snivellus is a hopeless case.”

“That may be true, but she is loyal to her friends like a true Hufflepuff. She shows no doubt and no fear like a Gryffindor. Somehow, I admire those traits…” James trailed off as he was looking at the direction where their friends took off. Peter stayed dumbfounded about what actually had happened.

Around the corner, Severus had Hilary sit down against the stone wall and covered her mouth and nose with a paper bag making her hold it herself and inhale slowly in and out of it. With still closed eyes, inhaling in and out the paper bag, Hilary felt how Lily sat down next to her and patted her back soothingly.

“Thank you, Severus.” She heard Lily thank Severus in a whisper. It had been a long time since the last time they had spoken to each other given the incident that happened around two years ago. “It’s nothing.” He muttered removing the bag when he thought Hilary had calmed down enough.

Still a bit shaken, Hilary drew her knees together and hide her face. “Thank you and I’m sorry.” She muttered in her knees. While Severus didn’t respond, Lily reassured her while circling her back soothingly. “Don’t worry.” “It’s nothing.” And “Everything will be alright.” Remus, meanwhile, only touched her shoulder to let her know that he was there for her.

 

* * *

 

After she had calmed down completely and Lily and Remus had assured him they would accompany her to the Potion class room, Severus stiffly bade them farewell and went to his own class. On the way to class, they remained silent and Hilary felt a bit awkward about it. "Lily, Remus, is something wrong?"

“Well, I think we are still a bit shaken about your panic attack, Hilary.” Remus scratched the back of his neck nervously. “And…” He didn’t finish his sentence glancing worriedly at the silent Lily. Feeling them staring at her, Lily simply sighed. “It’s weird seeing Severus like this again…so human…” She muttered not really looking at anyone. “Why, Lily? He might seem a bit stuck-up but he’s actually a pretty nice guy.” Hilary feigned ignorance. Actually, she knew what happened between her mother and Severus during their fifth year but she wasn’t supposed to know about it in the current timeline. “And sorry about the panic attack, I was actually reminded of a pretty bad experience back there.” Remus and Lily glanced at her worriedly but they didn’t want to pressure her into telling them.

“Well, it’s been a long time since I heard someone say that. There are not many who would consider Snape a ‘nice guy’, Hilary. He’s quite the loner and has a sick interest in dark arts.” Remus explained to her why the group mostly kept away from Severus. “Oh, but that doesn’t really mean anything, does it? I mean black art is not as black as everyone thinks it is. Nothing is really only black or white. Some things that were considered black arts in the past, were actually a breakthrough magical science that people were weary of but who are essential in our lives nowadays.” Hilary put forward her theory of black arts. “Severus can actually be really nice. He helped me when I first arrived at Hogwarts and was lost.” She explained how her Portkey had made her fall on Severus. Both teenagers laughed at her story.

"You know, I also thought like you before. I had been friends with Severus since my first Year but I cut all ties after fifth Year." Lily recounted how he had called her mudblood once when she had tried to defend him. "Don't you think he might regret it?" Hilary asked knowing very well that Severus regretted it. "He did apologize to me but it has simply been too much for me, Hilary. Maybe you will have more luck." She admitted with a strained smile. The whole story with Severus still weighed on Lily's mind, maybe she even regretted not making up with him.

Arriving at the classroom, they were greeted by Professor Slughorn who seemed surprised at Lily's and Remus' arrival. "Miss Evans, Mister Lupin. I don't remember having class with Seventh Year Gryffindor today." He remarked. "We were only accompanying a friend, Professor Slughorn." Remus explained a bit nervously. He didn't really like Professor Slughorn. "Oh, I see." He said while looking Hilary up and down. "You must be, Miss Tolipan. The Headmaster told me about you. Well, you should go to your class, kids. Class starts in ten minutes." Slughorn remarked and left into his office.

"Well, see you later, Hilary." Lily and Remus bade her farewell. "See you later." Hilary called after them. She left her arm slide down after waving but hesitated for a second. Then, she raised her hand next to her mouth like a megaphone and called after Lily. "Lily!" The called girl turned around and looked at her questioningly. "It's never too late to make up!" She yelled before entering her classroom. A small smile played itself on Lily's lips. She would note that down.

During Potions, Hilary didn't have any problems. She had had Slughorn as Professor during her Fifth Year already. So she already knew his standards. For the first lesson, they had to brew the boils cure potion. It was one of the easiest potions. Slughorn was quite impressed by her work and even asked her if she wanted to join his Slughorn Club but she declined politely. However, Slughorn was even more persistent in the past than he was in the future and Hilary had to give in. Sally really blew up her potion in the end. No one knew how she had done that and Aurora was going on and on about her ruined make-up and hair. The potion had blown up in both of their faces.

After Potions, they had a double class of Herbology. It wasn't Hilary's forte but she managed somehow, though she was nearly bitten by some strange plant she couldn't identify.

 

* * *

 

During her two hours’ lunch break, Hilary actually wanted to meet up with Severus to thank him for his help on that morning but she didn’t know where he hung out during his lunch break. Lost about where to go, she actually went back to the black lake where she had met him yesterday. Unsurprisingly, somehow, it was exactly where she found him leaning on a tree and reading a book. She wanted to scare him but her steps had been so loud that he already looked up from his book.

"What are you trying, _Hilary_." He still stressed her name. Well, she couldn't expect him to change after only one day. "I wanted to surprise you?" She asked innocently, which only made Severus raise his eyebrow skeptically. “Actually, I wanted to thank you for this morning.” She then added truthfully.

“I didn’t do much and stop this charade. I’m sure Potter and his doggies have already told you what a despicable man I am.” He spat out reproachfully. Even though he had heard her defend him that morning, he didn’t or rather wouldn’t believe she still wanted to be in his vicinity after Lily and Lupin probably told her the same as Black.

“What the heck are you saying, Severus. I believe you are actually a pretty nice guy and even more after what happened this morning. It was the first time I had a panic attack and I was completely lost. You actually saved my life, Severus, and I’m grateful for that.” She tried to beat some sense in that narrow-minded head of his. She didn’t understand how he could say that about himself. She wouldn’t believe that he was already so broken that he would take what others said about him as the truth.

Severus was speechless but he wasn’t going to show it and he simply looked bashfully away. Hilary was actually surprised seeing him act bashfully for once.

“It was really nothing…” He waved it off trying to act nonchalantly. “…though it’s awful to feel powerless, isn’t it? That feeling like you are dying but actually can’t die…?” Hilary could feel the sadness in those words. She could feel that he knew that from experience. It seemed like Severus wasn’t a stranger to panic attacks.

“But that’s why one has family and friends, right? They are there to help you like you helped me today.” Even though he wasn’t explicitly talking about himself, Hilary wanted to reassure him somehow. She wanted to show him that he wasn’t as powerless as he thought he was as long as he didn’t seclude himself.

“My family never supported me, _Hilary_.” It wasn’t really a confession. It was a simple statement without any care in the world but to Hilary it was a crushing feeling. She wouldn’t know what to do without her family and friends and couldn’t imagine how she would have ended up without them.

“But you have me as a friend, don’t you?” She whispered slowly and carefully. She knew he didn’t really consider her a friend yet. He was still too careful around her, which wasn’t surprising given that they knew each other only since yesterday.

“You don’t want to be burdened with my troubles, believe me.” Severus sighed. When was that girl going to stop bothering him? He didn’t want to share his troubles, not with her, not with anyone. No one could help him anyway.

“I know it’s difficult to open up to others and it requires a lot of courage” Hilary mused while she sat down next to him. “But believe me, telling someone when and why you are hurting, isn’t being selfish or burdening someone, especially if it’s someone who cares about you…” She stated looking him right in his eyes to get her point across. “Anyway, whether or not you want to tell me anything, know that I will always be there for you.” Were her last words before she simply turned her gaze to the lake and enjoyed their time together in silence.

He wanted to tell her to go away, to leave him alone, to bother some one else but somehow he couldn’t because somehow her words had meant something to him. He was rather intrigued about how she believed and trusted him without an ounce of doubt. He still didn’t tell her anything. However, sometimes, sitting silently beside a friend who is hurting, without prompting him, may be the best gift one can give.


	3. Animosity and panic

“A secret makes a woman a woman.” - Vermouth, Case closed.

 

* * * 

_However, sometimes, sitting silently beside a friend who is hurting, without prompting him, may be the best gift one can give._

 

* * *

 

About a month and a half had passed since the beginning of the year and Hilary’s arrival in the past. She settled quite well in the role she had created for herself with the help of the Headmaster who had pulled some strings at the American and British Ministry of Magic. He had even opened up a bank account on her fake name at Gringotts Wizarding Bank and promised to regularly give her a small allowance each month. She was really grateful to him and kept the key always close to her.

Severus and Hilary had grown comfortably close, relatively speaking, thanks to their study sessions at the library, their reading sessions near the Black Lake or even the Slug Club meetings, though Hilary wouldn’t call it a close friendship yet. Severus was sometimes still uneasy around her but he opened up little by little. He stopped stressing out her first name all the time he used it and didn’t flinch when she would read over his shoulder.

On a rainy afternoon, when the fifth and sixth Year had free periods to prepare for their N.E.W.T.S., Hilary and Severus were researching together at the library on what some would call the Dark Arts. Hilary was looking up on the flow of time magic while Severus was working on unique kind of hexes.

While Hilary was going to put back a philosophical book about time flow, she looked above Severus’ shoulder in his notebook, which contained a lot of side notes with one that caught her eye immediately. _Sectum Sempra._

“Sectum Sempra…what an ominous sound…what is it?” She asked feigning genuine interest though she knew very well what it was and the simple thought of it made her shudder. She remembered quite well when her brother had used it against Malfoy who had nearly bled to death. 

“It’s a curse I created…it creates an invisible sword that follows your wand movements at distance.” Severus muttered while he copied the spell from the worn out book in a brand new notebook. He got used to Hilary’s quirks of reading above his shoulder and stopped caring about what she would think about his interests after she had made it clear that she wouldn’t judge him without knowing more about the subject.

“Sounds painful…let me guess once severed it stays severed forever…oh, I made a pun about your name and spell.” She chuckled about her unintended pun while Severus lost hold of the hand that supported his chin while writing. Something he never got used to were her occasional puns. They weren’t really puns but sometimes she tended to talk at the same speed as she thinks and says out loud things she usually wouldn’t. It was rare but sometimes she would come up with the weirdest things ever. The silence was all Hilary needed to know he was grumpy about her comment.

“But you know, you should also think up a counter-spell if this spell is that gruesome. What if someone uses it against you?” Hilary mused ignoring Severus grumpiness knowing very well that he would respond if the subject of discussion interested him enough.

“Who would ever know my spell anyway…” He started muttering but halted in his thoughts. “No…wait…there’s always a possibility…but how could I counter this spell? I can’t think up a counter spell on the spot!” He started to fuss about it and banged his fist against the table, which earned him a “hush” from the librarian. Used to his muttering and fussing, Hilary only chuckled good-naturedly at his antics and took his pen from his hand.

“If you don’t have a counter spell, you should at least think about a healing spell that could be applied if needed. Healing spells in essence are not that complicated. It’s all about decomposing, recomposing and understanding the way the body works, how the cells grow and so on.” She rattled on and wrote down notes on a blank page.

She explained to Severus how a healing spells depended on the properties of the damage. Given that Sectum Sempra was based on the properties of a sword cut, it would probably cause massive blood loss and could even be mortal if it hit any vital organs. So, the priority would be to stop the bleeding.

She also noted how the cuts probably couldn’t heal on their own given their severity. Therefore, the best would be to use a healing spell similar to the snake bite healing spell for knitting the wounds together to finally remove the worst effects of the curse. In the end, dittany could be used to avoid lasting scares.

The notes on the page increased as she was completely absorbed in her task of finding a fitting healing spell and Severus was quite taken aback by how serious she was about it.

“Didn’t you say you were bad at Herbology?” He muttered stunned at her knowledge. “Well, I’m bad at taking care of magical plants or even plants in general but I do know most plants’ properties. After all, I want to become a healer.” She smiled softly at him before resuming her task.

However, Severus interrupted her again with quite the snappish comment. “But I wouldn’t call healing spells simple. It’s quite arrogant to sum it up like this. There’s a reason why there are more healing potions than healing spells.” She was surprised that Severus held such high esteem in the difficulty of healing spells, but she was also a little bit annoyed because she did notice how he seemed to assume the superiority of healing potions over healing spells without really knowing about the detailed proceeding of healing spells.

“Healing potions are more used, so healers don’t tire themselves out for mundane tasks because healing spells request a lot of concentration and precision. Incantation are often used to focus their concentration on the task. However, neither healing potions nor healing spells cover up alone all the possible cures, which is why both are needed.” She retorted offended by his assumption but she let her negative feelings go when she noticed how seriously Severus was pondering about her explanation. She knew he was a prideful man, especially concerning his knowledge about Potions and Dark Arts, but she had also realized that he was a thoughtful man who would overthink his position once he was told better.

Getting over that little argument that couldn’t even be considered as such, she went on with the explanation of healing incantation and suggested the incantation “ _Vulnera Sanentur”_ , which meant “ _to heal the wound”_. It would be simple but effective because the saying described exactly what was supposed to happen and would help to focus the mind on the task at hand, healing the numerous wounds.

She dotted down her last thoughts about it and put a big practice next to the notes knowing very well that theory was never equivalent to practice and that practice would be essential to perfect it.

Skimming through his notes to make sure she didn’t forget something about the properties of the curse itself, she laid eyes on another well-known spell. _Levicorpus._

 “You created Levicorpus?” She exclaimed surprisingly. Everyone at Hogwarts even in her time knew that spell and it was often used as a prank, mostly by the Weasley twins, but she hadn’t known it had been created by Severus.

“Around two years ago when I got bored during Potion class. Professor Slughorn is keeping the level at Potion class too basic. I wonder about some people who got accepted in N.E.W.T.S. given their only average results in their O.W.L.S. Only outstanding student who understand the subtle art of potion brewing should be accepted for N.E.W.T.S.” He muttered again and Hilary thought of poor Sally who was lucky to not have Severus as her Potion teacher.

However, this also reminded her of the cause of Severus’ and her mother’s dispute. If she remembered well Severus had been humiliated by the use of the Levicorpus spell and given that he created the spell himself the humiliation couldn’t have been worse for him.

Looking at the drawing that accompanied the spell’s description, she was also reminded of a fonder memory. “It somehow reminds me of a tarot card.” She mused out loud.

“Tarot? That silly muggle card game that’s somehow used for divination?” Severus snarled while reading the notes she had dotted down earlier.

“It’s not silly.” She exclaimed outraged but tried to calm down as soon as she told him off knowing very well that he spoke out of ignorance. Arguing heatedly with Severus was pointless, she needed to get her point across calmly.

“Divination is a subtle and difficult kind of magical art. Even Headmaster Dumbledore said that there are only a handful of true seers and commented on the difficulty they face because of the complexity of every single action and their consequences.” She rummaged through her bag and pulled out old worn-out tarot cards she had gotten from her godfather on her fifth birthday. At that time, she hadn’t known it but it had cost most of his savings and now she cherished those cards with her life. “It’s the Hanged man.” She commented handing him the card.

“It does look like it…” He noted though he still didn’t seem convinced about divination being a real magical art. Well, even kind, down to earth and neutral McGonagall thought of it as humbug but Hilary was convinced that Severus wouldn’t badmouth it again knowing it was one of her favorite subjects. He wasn’t a heartless bastard as Sirius wanted to depict him. He was only a little bit clumsy with his words sometimes.

While she was putting her cards back in her bag, Severus noticed the book she was going to return before she had stopped to look over his shoulder.

“You are really fascinated by time magic, aren’t you? How come?” He questioned her given that he always saw her with a similar book about that particular subject. He was quite taken aback when a small sad and nostalgic smile appeared on her lips.

“My father used to research on it and I decided to continue his work on his remembrance.” She didn’t really look Severus in his eyes anymore because she didn’t like lying to him though she had no choice. After all, it was part of her cover story. Headmaster Dumbledore had supposedly taken her under his wing because she was the precious daughter of his longtime friend Alfred Tolipan who mysteriously disappeared because of his dangerous research on time magic.

At the same time, she was a little bit nostalgic because when she thought about time magic she was also reminded of the time she originally came from and wondered how all of her friends and family were doing.

“Why do you think time magic is considered a dark art?” She asked out of the blue, still a little bit lost in her thoughts. Severus had observed her quietly while her mind drifted away. He had noticed that it happened quite a lot and the expression she wore each time were quite interesting. He didn’t press her further about the subject noticing the subtlety of the past tense she used when talking about her father and how it seemed to bring up some, in his opinion, painful memories. Severus learned not to push her especially after the panic attack he had witnessed last time.

“Because most people don’t know much about it. That’s why most dark arts are considered dark and dangerous.” He replied automatically because he had already asked himself this question given that he was shunned for his interest in the dark arts.

“Indeed, but actually it’s not only ignorance because time magic is really dangerous if it falls in the wrong hands given that it can change the flow of time and could even create a loop in time. Therefore, it is even considered a forbidden art like the forbidden curses.” Hilary had already done some research on time magic. Headmaster Dumbledore had tutored her so that she at least knew the basics and didn’t screw it up in case she would ever have to go to the past. It wasn’t considered a forbidden art in her time anymore, at least not short-time time travel, but Hilary was still afraid of messing up given that there was little known about long-time time travel even in her time.

Growing weary about the heavy atmosphere and noticing some sort of anxiousness, Severus decided to change the subject. “I think I have enough of research for now. I need a little break. Excuse me for a moment and let’s get some air at the Black Lake afterwards.” He suggested and left her for a little restroom break.

 

* * *

 

Waiting outside of the library for Severus, Hilary pulled out a different smaller notebook from her bag. That notebook was actually secured by a verbal password and contained notes about her cover story and about her mission.

Her mission was actually to look for Voldemort’s last missing Hocrux. There was the rumor of a Hocrux lost in time and Headmaster Dumbledore didn’t want to gamble on if it was a rumor or not, which is why he entrusted her with the time travel lotion. In her notebook, she had dotted down a lot of question like: What are they? How many are there? How can they be destroyed? Skimming through her notebook, she had a forlorn look on her face that Severus didn’t miss when he came back. Hilary heard him, however, and closed her book before he could take a peek inside.

“What’s this guarded secret were you even put a password recognition seal on it? It seems too serious to be a simple diary.” Severus remarked after she put her notebook back in her bag. He had already seen her a few times with that notebook and knew about the password recognition seal though he didn’t know the password.

“Some secrets are better left untold, Severus.” She muttered in reply though it wasn’t really a satisfying answer for Severus Snape.

“Weren’t you the one who told me that you shouldn’t bottle up everything? You are being a hypocrite.” Severus countered.

“It’s doesn’t matter Severus. It’s something trivial anyway.” She dismissed his persistence.

“You are bad at telling lies, Hilary.” Hilary nearly wanted to chuckle at the irony of his supposition. _‘Though all I do in this life is telling lies, Severus. You know nothing.’_ Was her sole bitter thought.

“It’s burdening you. Each time you gaze at that book you are frowning and a painful expression stays on your face.” Severus was starting to get annoyed and raised his voice, grapping her by her arm. Because of his insistence, she was also starting to get worked up but more emotionally than verbally. She knew she was being a hypocrite but she couldn’t tell anyone without fearing for the future. He made her feel powerless and tears started to roll down on her cheeks. Right at that moment, someone intervened.

“Leave her alone, Snape, she is entitled to have her secrets if she wants.” Remus cut in. Severus didn’t like it how Remus butted in their conversation and sneered at him. “Like you do, Lupin? But your secret is actually endangering everyone by staying a secret.”

However, noticing the state Hilary was in, he instantly regretted his action. She somehow looked scared, like a lost puppy, and he felt ashamed of losing his cool. Hilary had shown a lot of understanding for his interest in dark arts and a lot of patience even with his scornful personality and there he had driven her into a corner, something he hadn’t wished for. Unsettled, he let go of her arm and Hilary ran off without looking back with Remus running after her.

 

* * * 

 

The next few days, Hilary avoided Severus and stayed close to Lily and Remus though she felt guilty about her own behavior. While she was walking back from the library with Remus this time, Remus questioned her about what bothered her.

“I don’t know what I should do, Remus. I feel uneasy around Severus because he seems really fixated on finding out my secret.” She tried to explain it to him but she didn’t really know how to get her feelings across.

“Is the secret really worth it, Hilary?” He asked seriously and when she looked him in the eyes, she was met with only complete understanding and that’s when she recalled what Severus had countered back at Remus back then.

_“Like you do, Lupin? But your secret is actually endangering everyone by staying a secret.”_

Indeed, Remus hadn’t told her yet about his lycanthropy troubles and it would always stay his biggest secret until what happened during her second year in Hogwarts. She remembered how badly she was treated by her classmates after her godfather’s situation was revealed and how her brother and his friends had stood up for her and her godfather.

Assuming well that she recalled what Severus had revealed the day before, Remus tried to explain his view on the matter. “I’m also entitled to my secrets, Hilary. My secret is none to be told and I stand firm to my principles as long as I deem it necessary. Only few know about it and I tend to keep it like this. If you believe that your secret should remain a secret, you should stick to it and your resolution should not be waived by anyone or anything.”

“Yes, like you are entitled to your secret, I’m also entitled to my secrets and I should stay firm about it.” She concluded relieved but also strengthened in her spirit.

Both teenagers resumed her stroll to the meeting point with the rest of the Marauders and Lily but they were both surprised by a grim looking Severus walking up to them.

“Lupin, could I request some of Hilary’s time, _please_?” If the please didn’t already shock Remus enough, the conceded look plastered on Severus’ face would have. It was utter remorse. Remus could only concede and he was reassured by the fact that he had already helped Hilary sort out her thoughts.

 

* * * 

 

After having followed Severus a little bit further until they arrived at a quiet part of the hallway near the library, Hilary glanced at him timidly because of the awkward silence. No one knew how to approach the subject of the day before. The moment she was actually trying to initiate the conversation, Severus did it at the same time and another awkward silence settled in. However, afterwards, Severus was faster at gathering his wits.

“Look Hilary…I’m sorry about what happened yesterday…I…you…you actually remind me of my mother. She was also fascinated with time magic but she got so lost in the idea of turning back time and changing her life that she neglected everything else, her family, her son and even her health physically and mentally. I was afraid you would get lost in the same craziness.” He sputtered in nearly on single breath.

“Severus…” Hilary was at a loss of words. She hadn’t been expecting an apology from Severus. She hadn’t been avoiding him because she was scared about his forcefulness but rather because she felt uneasy about not opening up to him even though he started opening up to her.

“…I’m the one who is actually sorry…after all you were only worried about me…I should have been more open with you even if I can’t tell you much about it.” She apologized truthfully and took his hands in hers to get her feelings completely across. Awkward about their position, Severus brushed her hands off and scratched the right sight of his head in embarrassment.

“I wasn’t really worried…I…I was only reminded of some unpleasant memories…” He tried to deny it vehemently but Hilary knew the truth and she was somehow happy about how they had grown closer to each other to the point where they really grew genuinely worried about each another.

“Let me reassure you, Severus. Even if this seems burdening to you, I don’t stand completely alone in this matter.” She reassured him and also herself by reminiscing herself of her godfather’s help in the future and the Headmaster’s help in the future and past. “I won’t succumb to any craziness and if I can’t work it out alone, I promise I will look for help and you would be one of those sources of help even if I can’t tell you the details.”

“Well, my mother tended to say, a secret makes a woman a woman. Only don’t hurt yourself, woman, or I won’t forgive you.” He muttered and took off to where they had left Remus earlier with Hilary following merrily behind him.

 

* * *

 

Remus had meanwhile been joined by Lily who seemed quite pleased when Severus and Hilary arrived. She practically skipped over to where they were and dragged poor Remus with her.

“Ah Severus, it’s great that I found you. I wanted to ask you something…but first…come on Remus! Be a man for once!” Lily pushed poor Remus forward in front of Hilary and dragged Severus a little bit away from her.

Remus bashfully looked aside but when he looked her in the eyes again there was some kind of determination in them. “Would…would you like to go to Hogsmaede with me?” Remus still stuttered but he didn’t look away anymore and was waiting for her reply.

“Ehhh?” To say Hilary was surprised was underdoing it. She had been surprised twice in one single day and she didn’t really know what she should respond. Severus who wasn’t really pleased about the turn of events wanted to intervene and say _‘If_ _you don’t want to, simply reject him.’_ But he was actually interrupted in his momentum by the sweet Lily.

“How about it? I was also going to ask Severus for the sake of our old friendship.” Lily laid out her plan innocently and at that moment two flabbergasted teenagers were gaping at her. Hilary was utterly lost. _Lily was asking Severus out for Hogsmeade? Did she miss out on something?_ As lost as Hilary was at said situation, Severus only nodded dumbfounded and Hilary did the same when she was prompted.

“What about Potter?” Severus asked skeptically after regaining his wits.

“He has Quidditch training on that day and he wouldn’t understand anyway but don’t worry about it.” Lily waved it off. “Well, we have a meeting to attend, Severus. Meet you at Hogsmeade.” She bade him goodbye and dragged the two other confused teenagers with her.

A little farther away, out of Severus’ ear reach, Hilary confronted Lily about it.

“Is James even aware of it?” She questioned her and Remus was also waiting patiently for her reply. Apparently, he hadn’t known Lily was going to ask Severus to accompany her at Hogsmeade and was quite surprised when Lily answered in the negative about James knowledge of the situation.

“Are you sure it’s a good idea to keep it a secret from him?” Hilary was growing weary about the situation. She felt like some disaster was going to happen but Lily only brushed her off with a simple.

“We wouldn’t be women if we didn’t have our secrets.”


	4. Research and Secrets

“A secret makes a woman a woman.” - Vermouth, Case closed.

 

* * * 

_However, sometimes, sitting silently beside a friend who is hurting, without prompting him, may be the best gift one can give._

 

* * *

 

About a month and a half had passed since the beginning of the year and Hilary’s arrival in the past. She settled quite well in the role she had created for herself with the help of the Headmaster who had pulled some strings at the American and British Ministry of Magic. He had even opened up a bank account on her fake name at Gringotts Wizarding Bank and promised to regularly give her a small allowance each month. She was really grateful to him and kept the key always close to her.

Severus and Hilary had grown comfortably close, relatively speaking, thanks to their study sessions at the library, their reading sessions near the Black Lake or even the Slug Club meetings, though Hilary wouldn’t call it a close friendship yet. Severus was sometimes still uneasy around her but he opened up little by little. He stopped stressing out her first name all the time he used it and didn’t flinch when she would read over his shoulder.

On a rainy afternoon, when the fifth and sixth Year had free periods to prepare for their N.E.W.T.S., Hilary and Severus were researching together at the library on what some would call the Dark Arts. Hilary was looking up on the flow of time magic while Severus was working on unique kind of hexes.

While Hilary was going to put back a philosophical book about time flow, she looked above Severus’ shoulder in his notebook, which contained a lot of side notes with one that caught her eye immediately. _Sectum Sempra._

“Sectum Sempra…what an ominous sound…what is it?” She asked feigning genuine interest though she knew very well what it was and the simple thought of it made her shudder. She remembered quite well when her brother had used it against Malfoy who had nearly bled to death. 

“It’s a curse I created…it creates an invisible sword that follows your wand movements at distance.” Severus muttered while he copied the spell from the worn out book in a brand new notebook. He got used to Hilary’s quirks of reading above his shoulder and stopped caring about what she would think about his interests after she had made it clear that she wouldn’t judge him without knowing more about the subject.

“Sounds painful…let me guess once severed it stays severed forever…oh, I made a pun about your name and spell.” She chuckled about her unintended pun while Severus lost hold of the hand that supported his chin while writing. Something he never got used to were her occasional puns. They weren’t really puns but sometimes she tended to talk at the same speed as she thinks and says out loud things she usually wouldn’t. It was rare but sometimes she would come up with the weirdest things ever. The silence was all Hilary needed to know he was grumpy about her comment.

“But you know, you should also think up a counter-spell if this spell is that gruesome. What if someone uses it against you?” Hilary mused ignoring Severus grumpiness knowing very well that he would respond if the subject of discussion interested him enough.

“Who would ever know my spell anyway…” He started muttering but halted in his thoughts. “No…wait…there’s always a possibility…but how could I counter this spell? I can’t think up a counter spell on the spot!” He started to fuss about it and banged his fist against the table, which earned him a “hush” from the librarian. Used to his muttering and fussing, Hilary only chuckled good-naturedly at his antics and took his pen from his hand.

“If you don’t have a counter spell, you should at least think about a healing spell that could be applied if needed. Healing spells in essence are not that complicated. It’s all about decomposing, recomposing and understanding the way the body works, how the cells grow and so on.” She rattled on and wrote down notes on a blank page.

She explained to Severus how a healing spells depended on the properties of the damage. Given that Sectum Sempra was based on the properties of a sword cut, it would probably cause massive blood loss and could even be mortal if it hit any vital organs. So, the priority would be to stop the bleeding.

She also noted how the cuts probably couldn’t heal on their own given their severity. Therefore, the best would be to use a healing spell similar to the snake bite healing spell for knitting the wounds together to finally remove the worst effects of the curse. In the end, dittany could be used to avoid lasting scares.

The notes on the page increased as she was completely absorbed in her task of finding a fitting healing spell and Severus was quite taken aback by how serious she was about it.

“Didn’t you say you were bad at Herbology?” He muttered stunned at her knowledge. “Well, I’m bad at taking care of magical plants or even plants in general but I do know most plants’ properties. After all, I want to become a healer.” She smiled softly at him before resuming her task.

However, Severus interrupted her again with quite the snappish comment. “But I wouldn’t call healing spells simple. It’s quite arrogant to sum it up like this. There’s a reason why there are more healing potions than healing spells.” She was surprised that Severus held such high esteem in the difficulty of healing spells, but she was also a little bit annoyed because she did notice how he seemed to assume the superiority of healing potions over healing spells without really knowing about the detailed proceeding of healing spells.

“Healing potions are more used, so healers don’t tire themselves out for mundane tasks because healing spells request a lot of concentration and precision. Incantation are often used to focus their concentration on the task. However, neither healing potions nor healing spells cover up alone all the possible cures, which is why both are needed.” She retorted offended by his assumption but she let her negative feelings go when she noticed how seriously Severus was pondering about her explanation. She knew he was a prideful man, especially concerning his knowledge about Potions and Dark Arts, but she had also realized that he was a thoughtful man who would overthink his position once he was told better.

Getting over that little argument that couldn’t even be considered as such, she went on with the explanation of healing incantation and suggested the incantation “ _Vulnera Sanentur”_ , which meant “ _to heal the wound”_. It would be simple but effective because the saying described exactly what was supposed to happen and would help to focus the mind on the task at hand, healing the numerous wounds.

She dotted down her last thoughts about it and put a big practice next to the notes knowing very well that theory was never equivalent to practice and that practice would be essential to perfect it.

Skimming through his notes to make sure she didn’t forget something about the properties of the curse itself, she laid eyes on another well-known spell. _Levicorpus._

 “You created Levicorpus?” She exclaimed surprisingly. Everyone at Hogwarts even in her time knew that spell and it was often used as a prank, mostly by the Weasley twins, but she hadn’t known it had been created by Severus.

“Around two years ago when I got bored during Potion class. Professor Slughorn is keeping the level at Potion class too basic. I wonder about some people who got accepted in N.E.W.T.S. given their only average results in their O.W.L.S. Only outstanding student who understand the subtle art of potion brewing should be accepted for N.E.W.T.S.” He muttered again and Hilary thought of poor Sally who was lucky to not have Severus as her Potion teacher.

However, this also reminded her of the cause of Severus’ and her mother’s dispute. If she remembered well Severus had been humiliated by the use of the Levicorpus spell and given that he created the spell himself the humiliation couldn’t have been worse for him.

Looking at the drawing that accompanied the spell’s description, she was also reminded of a fonder memory. “It somehow reminds me of a tarot card.” She mused out loud.

“Tarot? That silly muggle card game that’s somehow used for divination?” Severus snarled while reading the notes she had dotted down earlier.

“It’s not silly.” She exclaimed outraged but tried to calm down as soon as she told him off knowing very well that he spoke out of ignorance. Arguing heatedly with Severus was pointless, she needed to get her point across calmly.

“Divination is a subtle and difficult kind of magical art. Even Headmaster Dumbledore said that there are only a handful of true seers and commented on the difficulty they face because of the complexity of every single action and their consequences.” She rummaged through her bag and pulled out old worn-out tarot cards she had gotten from her godfather on her fifth birthday. At that time, she hadn’t known it but it had cost most of his savings and now she cherished those cards with her life. “It’s the Hanged man.” She commented handing him the card.

“It does look like it…” He noted though he still didn’t seem convinced about divination being a real magical art. Well, even kind, down to earth and neutral McGonagall thought of it as humbug but Hilary was convinced that Severus wouldn’t badmouth it again knowing it was one of her favorite subjects. He wasn’t a heartless bastard as Sirius wanted to depict him. He was only a little bit clumsy with his words sometimes.

While she was putting her cards back in her bag, Severus noticed the book she was going to return before she had stopped to look over his shoulder.

“You are really fascinated by time magic, aren’t you? How come?” He questioned her given that he always saw her with a similar book about that particular subject. He was quite taken aback when a small sad and nostalgic smile appeared on her lips.

“My father used to research on it and I decided to continue his work on his remembrance.” She didn’t really look Severus in his eyes anymore because she didn’t like lying to him though she had no choice. After all, it was part of her cover story. Headmaster Dumbledore had supposedly taken her under his wing because she was the precious daughter of his longtime friend Alfred Tolipan who mysteriously disappeared because of his dangerous research on time magic.

At the same time, she was a little bit nostalgic because when she thought about time magic she was also reminded of the time she originally came from and wondered how all of her friends and family were doing.

“Why do you think time magic is considered a dark art?” She asked out of the blue, still a little bit lost in her thoughts. Severus had observed her quietly while her mind drifted away. He had noticed that it happened quite a lot and the expression she wore each time were quite interesting. He didn’t press her further about the subject noticing the subtlety of the past tense she used when talking about her father and how it seemed to bring up some, in his opinion, painful memories. Severus learned not to push her especially after the panic attack he had witnessed last time.

“Because most people don’t know much about it. That’s why most dark arts are considered dark and dangerous.” He replied automatically because he had already asked himself this question given that he was shunned for his interest in the dark arts.

“Indeed, but actually it’s not only ignorance because time magic is really dangerous if it falls in the wrong hands given that it can change the flow of time and could even create a loop in time. Therefore, it is even considered a forbidden art like the forbidden curses.” Hilary had already done some research on time magic. Headmaster Dumbledore had tutored her so that she at least knew the basics and didn’t screw it up in case she would ever have to go to the past. It wasn’t considered a forbidden art in her time anymore, at least not short-time time travel, but Hilary was still afraid of messing up given that there was little known about long-time time travel even in her time.

Growing weary about the heavy atmosphere and noticing some sort of anxiousness, Severus decided to change the subject. “I think I have enough of research for now. I need a little break. Excuse me for a moment and let’s get some air at the Black Lake afterwards.” He suggested and left her for a little restroom break.

 

* * *

 

Waiting outside of the library for Severus, Hilary pulled out a different smaller notebook from her bag. That notebook was actually secured by a verbal password and contained notes about her cover story and about her mission.

Her mission was actually to look for Voldemort’s last missing Hocrux. There was the rumor of a Hocrux lost in time and Headmaster Dumbledore didn’t want to gamble on if it was a rumor or not, which is why he entrusted her with the time travel lotion. In her notebook, she had dotted down a lot of question like: What are they? How many are there? How can they be destroyed? Skimming through her notebook, she had a forlorn look on her face that Severus didn’t miss when he came back. Hilary heard him, however, and closed her book before he could take a peek inside.

“What’s this guarded secret were you even put a password recognition seal on it? It seems too serious to be a simple diary.” Severus remarked after she put her notebook back in her bag. He had already seen her a few times with that notebook and knew about the password recognition seal though he didn’t know the password.

“Some secrets are better left untold, Severus.” She muttered in reply though it wasn’t really a satisfying answer for Severus Snape.

“Weren’t you the one who told me that you shouldn’t bottle up everything? You are being a hypocrite.” Severus countered.

“It’s doesn’t matter Severus. It’s something trivial anyway.” She dismissed his persistence.

“You are bad at telling lies, Hilary.” Hilary nearly wanted to chuckle at the irony of his supposition. _‘Though all I do in this life is telling lies, Severus. You know nothing.’_ Was her sole bitter thought.

“It’s burdening you. Each time you gaze at that book you are frowning and a painful expression stays on your face.” Severus was starting to get annoyed and raised his voice, grapping her by her arm. Because of his insistence, she was also starting to get worked up but more emotionally than verbally. She knew she was being a hypocrite but she couldn’t tell anyone without fearing for the future. He made her feel powerless and tears started to roll down on her cheeks. Right at that moment, someone intervened.

“Leave her alone, Snape, she is entitled to have her secrets if she wants.” Remus cut in. Severus didn’t like it how Remus butted in their conversation and sneered at him. “Like you do, Lupin? But your secret is actually endangering everyone by staying a secret.”

However, noticing the state Hilary was in, he instantly regretted his action. She somehow looked scared, like a lost puppy, and he felt ashamed of losing his cool. Hilary had shown a lot of understanding for his interest in dark arts and a lot of patience even with his scornful personality and there he had driven her into a corner, something he hadn’t wished for. Unsettled, he let go of her arm and Hilary ran off without looking back with Remus running after her.

 

* * * 

 

The next few days, Hilary avoided Severus and stayed close to Lily and Remus though she felt guilty about her own behavior. While she was walking back from the library with Remus this time, Remus questioned her about what bothered her.

“I don’t know what I should do, Remus. I feel uneasy around Severus because he seems really fixated on finding out my secret.” She tried to explain it to him but she didn’t really know how to get her feelings across.

“Is the secret really worth it, Hilary?” He asked seriously and when she looked him in the eyes, she was met with only complete understanding and that’s when she recalled what Severus had countered back at Remus back then.

_“Like you do, Lupin? But your secret is actually endangering everyone by staying a secret.”_

Indeed, Remus hadn’t told her yet about his lycanthropy troubles and it would always stay his biggest secret until what happened during her second year in Hogwarts. She remembered how badly she was treated by her classmates after her godfather’s situation was revealed and how her brother and his friends had stood up for her and her godfather.

Assuming well that she recalled what Severus had revealed the day before, Remus tried to explain his view on the matter. “I’m also entitled to my secrets, Hilary. My secret is none to be told and I stand firm to my principles as long as I deem it necessary. Only few know about it and I tend to keep it like this. If you believe that your secret should remain a secret, you should stick to it and your resolution should not be waived by anyone or anything.”

“Yes, like you are entitled to your secret, I’m also entitled to my secrets and I should stay firm about it.” She concluded relieved but also strengthened in her spirit.

Both teenagers resumed her stroll to the meeting point with the rest of the Marauders and Lily but they were both surprised by a grim looking Severus walking up to them.

“Lupin, could I request some of Hilary’s time, _please_?” If the please didn’t already shock Remus enough, the conceded look plastered on Severus’ face would have. It was utter remorse. Remus could only concede and he was reassured by the fact that he had already helped Hilary sort out her thoughts.

 

* * * 

 

After having followed Severus a little bit further until they arrived at a quiet part of the hallway near the library, Hilary glanced at him timidly because of the awkward silence. No one knew how to approach the subject of the day before. The moment she was actually trying to initiate the conversation, Severus did it at the same time and another awkward silence settled in. However, afterwards, Severus was faster at gathering his wits.

“Look Hilary…I’m sorry about what happened yesterday…I…you…you actually remind me of my mother. She was also fascinated with time magic but she got so lost in the idea of turning back time and changing her life that she neglected everything else, her family, her son and even her health physically and mentally. I was afraid you would get lost in the same craziness.” He sputtered in nearly on single breath.

“Severus…” Hilary was at a loss of words. She hadn’t been expecting an apology from Severus. She hadn’t been avoiding him because she was scared about his forcefulness but rather because she felt uneasy about not opening up to him even though he started opening up to her.

“…I’m the one who is actually sorry…after all you were only worried about me…I should have been more open with you even if I can’t tell you much about it.” She apologized truthfully and took his hands in hers to get her feelings completely across. Awkward about their position, Severus brushed her hands off and scratched the right sight of his head in embarrassment.

“I wasn’t really worried…I…I was only reminded of some unpleasant memories…” He tried to deny it vehemently but Hilary knew the truth and she was somehow happy about how they had grown closer to each other to the point where they really grew genuinely worried about each another.

“Let me reassure you, Severus. Even if this seems burdening to you, I don’t stand completely alone in this matter.” She reassured him and also herself by reminiscing herself of her godfather’s help in the future and the Headmaster’s help in the future and past. “I won’t succumb to any craziness and if I can’t work it out alone, I promise I will look for help and you would be one of those sources of help even if I can’t tell you the details.”

“Well, my mother tended to say, a secret makes a woman a woman. Only don’t hurt yourself, woman, or I won’t forgive you.” He muttered and took off to where they had left Remus earlier with Hilary following merrily behind him.

 

* * *

 

Remus had meanwhile been joined by Lily who seemed quite pleased when Severus and Hilary arrived. She practically skipped over to where they were and dragged poor Remus with her.

“Ah Severus, it’s great that I found you. I wanted to ask you something…but first…come on Remus! Be a man for once!” Lily pushed poor Remus forward in front of Hilary and dragged Severus a little bit away from her.

Remus bashfully looked aside but when he looked her in the eyes again there was some kind of determination in them. “Would…would you like to go to Hogsmaede with me?” Remus still stuttered but he didn’t look away anymore and was waiting for her reply.

“Ehhh?” To say Hilary was surprised was underdoing it. She had been surprised twice in one single day and she didn’t really know what she should respond. Severus who wasn’t really pleased about the turn of events wanted to intervene and say _‘If_ _you don’t want to, simply reject him.’_ But he was actually interrupted in his momentum by the sweet Lily.

“How about it? I was also going to ask Severus for the sake of our old friendship.” Lily laid out her plan innocently and at that moment two flabbergasted teenagers were gaping at her. Hilary was utterly lost. _Lily was asking Severus out for Hogsmeade? Did she miss out on something?_ As lost as Hilary was at said situation, Severus only nodded dumbfounded and Hilary did the same when she was prompted.

“What about Potter?” Severus asked skeptically after regaining his wits.

“He has Quidditch training on that day and he wouldn’t understand anyway but don’t worry about it.” Lily waved it off. “Well, we have a meeting to attend, Severus. Meet you at Hogsmeade.” She bade him goodbye and dragged the two other confused teenagers with her.

A little farther away, out of Severus’ ear reach, Hilary confronted Lily about it.

“Is James even aware of it?” She questioned her and Remus was also waiting patiently for her reply. Apparently, he hadn’t known Lily was going to ask Severus to accompany her at Hogsmeade and was quite surprised when Lily answered in the negative about James knowledge of the situation.

“Are you sure it’s a good idea to keep it a secret from him?” Hilary was growing weary about the situation. She felt like some disaster was going to happen but Lily only brushed her off with a simple.

“We wouldn’t be women if we didn’t have our secrets.”


End file.
